the depth of love

Sam and I were drawing this morning. We were covering pages of scratch paper with pictures of doggies and clowns and people and letters and squiggles. Seldom do I look at the backs of all these scratch papers, usually it is boring stuff like copies of bills or business paperwork, but today I realized that we were drawing on the backs of songs, worship songs to be exact...

(These pictures are from a day trip to Annecy, France)

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.

I was holding Margot today, trying to get her to fall asleep, so I started singing this song. She looked up at me with this curious look, as if she wondered what I was singing about. Sometimes when I hold her or her sister, feeling their small, helpless bodies safe in my arms, I think about that- the depth of love. The pure love of a baby for its mother. The overwhelming love of parents for their children. And then, the most ultimate of love, the love that lays down its life for its beloved.

How great the pain of searing loss-
the Father turns His face away.
As wounds which mar the chosen one
Bring many sons to glory.

When I first met the kids I would be spending the next 8 months to a year with, I felt an instant connection with Sam, the two year old. He is at just the right age to still be vulnerable and cuddly, and open with his love, but he still has a personality and thoughts he wants to share. I also spent the most time with him, so I had plenty of time to get close to him quickly.

Mia was a different story, she had to test me out before she opened her heart to me. She had to learn my ways and I had to learn hers. Since she was in school most of the time, we also had to be intentional about getting to know one another. But, it made it all worth it. I felt like I had won her heart when she first told me she loved me. I felt honored because she didn't give it lightly.

The babies are another story entirely. When I first saw them, laying in their chairs all wrapped in their blankets, helpless & personality-less; I felt no connection. They were adorable, I admit, but they didn't even make eye contact yet. They barely moved at all. It is hard to love a doll. But then I took care of them. I helped clothe them and rock them to sleep and change them and bathe them. There is something that changes in you, that changes your heart when you take care of something that needs you. Sometimes I will look at them while they are in my arms and my heart just breaks. I can't really explain why, there is just something so beautiful about all of it. My heart is so full with love for them, my eyes with tears of joy for them- and the funny thing is that is only a tiny portion of what their mother feels for them...and I can't even imagine what a tiny portion a mother's love is compared to God's love. It's all so epically beautiful.


How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure...

It's a great song. You should check it out.

by Stuart Townend

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom