getting it all done

I am taking the GACE tomorrow morning (the certification test to be a teacher in Georgia. I am applying to education graduate programs and I need to have that test score in my arsenal in order to apply to some of them. Something you didn't know I bet? Well, it's a good thing I just took the GRE and the GRE Literature in English subject tests, because I looked through my study book for this one and realized it would be no sweat.

Yet, I still find myself really nervous. I don't mind actually taking tests...I think it is just everything leading up to it: the wondering, the studying, then when it is big tests like these that have a certain ridiculous early hour that you have to be there, and you aren't familiar with anything about the room or the place, it is just unsettling. So, funnily enough, I am just looking forward to the time when I am there, I am sitting at my desk, and I am just depending on my brain. Nothing can get in the way at that point, unless I black out or something; which, let be honest could definitely happen at this point. I feel like I am going to be worthless to this family once I get to Switzerland because my brain is just going to be fried. Remembering everything I have to do before I leave, checking off even little things like going to the dentist or getting things dry-cleaned because you have never actually cleaned them before and you don't know how that works over there, seeing friends who mean the world to you, trying to call your best friends all the time because you don't know when you will be able to talk to them next, wearing all of the clothes you aren't taking, hanging out with your parents, copying pages out of books because you can't take all of them (okay- that one may just be me), getting an international driver's license, finding time to learn how to drive a stick shift... it all really adds up....and it is making my go crazy.

PLUS, all of the emotions coming from every side:
GUILT: for not being able to spend as much time with people (especially family) before you leave, and having people say "we need to hang out before you go" and thinking "not going to happen...maybe because you are just saying that because I am leaving and you don't have anything else to say"...and then there is the added guilt for thinking that when you know they love you and really do have the best of intentions.
EXCITEMENT: I am freaking moving to Switzerland, enough said
SORROW: Leaving people sucks. I wish I could take everyone I care about with me. Thinking about being gone for who knows how long breaks my heart. I feel like if I were to let myself, I would be crying half the day.
CONVICTION: Unfortunately, all of this stress, and emotion + a full time job doesn't leave a lot of time to devote every waking moment to God. SO, yeah, I am kind of sucking as a daughter right now, and I read a snippet out of my Bible every night and feel bad that I am leaving Him for the end of my day when I am tired and grouchy and NOT interested in thinking about my sin and all of the intricacies of redemption and grace. So I just read a few verses, write a few words of thanks and a few prayer requests and check Christ of my list...it's so lame. I am so lame. Sorry for that one God...like I said: CONVICTION.

So this was an extra long post. I think I am just getting more overwhelmed the closer it all comes. 10 MORE DAYS!! And I don't really have a constant person/friend who has the time to talk through all of this with me...which is good I guess...makes it easier to leave.

Well, that is all. Boswell out. I already miss you. Pray for me. I want to come back a woman of God, not just the acne-ridden teenager I feel like I am. Thank you. God Bless you.