Recently I have been spending a lot of time doing things I don't normally have time for...i.e. taking hour long runs listening to Francis Chan & having long, drawn-out conversations with my parents about my future. And from a very interesting mathematical proof, I have come out of all of this realizing and being completely assured that God loves and knows me fully.
These Francis Chan sermons have really been convicting me about my life...as they always do. But the ones in particular have brought up a sort of renewed fear regarding my salvation. I mean, when I am reading and hearing that I will be judged for even my careless actions and that people when come before God and he will turn them away saying: "I never knew you, get out of my sight" - it kind of freaks me out.
Then on the other side of this proof is my dad giving me advice about guys...and I realize he doesn't know me at all. It is a weird feeling to realize that your dad doesn't know you. I kept trying to explain to him that I am content where I am and I have total faith in God. And he is sitting there telling me I need to be asking everyone to pray that I find a Godly man and I need to be in target-rich environments and I am not going to meet someone hanging out with my girl friends, blah blah blah. And this all just sprung from me asking my parents not to bring up my singleness. It's not a big deal, I just don't want to be reminded as we pray before every meal that I don't have a boyfriend..it makes me feel like I am not good enough or something. Basically the result of all of that is I decided I am never going to try to talk to my dad about anything emotional again...because he will never see things the way I do and it is frustrated trying not to get mad at him.
So, last night this kind of all came together for me. I was sitting in my room talking to God about loving my dad and being content where I am (jobless & single & everything) and I realized that He understood exactly what I was saying because HE KNOWS ME. He has known every relationship I have been in and every struggle I have gone through because he loves me and he has paid attention to my life and thoughts, etc. There is no way I can get to heaven and have him say "I never knew you," because he is the only one who actually knows me completely...even more than my mom. And that is awesome.
So that just made me feel all warm and tingly & it became okay that my dad doesn't grasp my idea of relationships and okay that I am kind of lost right now, because not only do I know who I am in Christ, GOD KNOWS WHO I AM. Crazy, eh?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
What exactly is the point?
I was at dinner with some of my friends last night and, while the conversation was jumping around from topic to topic, we touched on the fact that some of us have been friends since we were 3 years old. Now, I don't know how often that really happens in life, but I get the feeling that it is pretty rare outside of the deep-South, small-town, never-get-out parts of the world. And it is such an amazing gift to have friends like this, that have known me forever and watched me grow and have grown with me; who can make fun of my life-long eccentricities and my awkward stages. But I am starting to realize something as I reflect on all that.
Basically, I have had the same friends and the same types of friends my whole life. I couldn't feel more incredibly blessed, but I also feel a little guilty. I have never been out of my bubble. I have grown up and become the person I have because that is how everyone around me was. I have chosen to follow Christ because I never really had another option. This summer was the first time I have ever been out of my Christian bubble, and I saw the world for what it really was. In the world, your friends don't hold you accountable for your mistakes, oftentimes they justify and encourage them...and you start to do the same. I realized that there was another way to live besides the pursuing righteousness way. I realized that I wasn't as strong as I thought that I was. I realized that the world is not Perimeter Christian School or Christ Community Church or Phi Slam or Bridgewater Neighborhood or even anything close to the amazing community I had built up around me. The world is tempting. The world does have fulfilling relationships that lead you to places you never thought you would go. I realized that I had never lived in the world, and have never really chosen living in Christ over living in the world...because it had never truly been an option for me. Christians hang out with Christians. Christians best friend's are Christians. Christians marry Christians. Christians have Christian children and then send them to a Christian school where they can meet, befriend, and marry other Christians.
And I am a product of this thing we call faith. I am a product of this overwhelming grace that saved my parents and my friends and myself from death and eternal isolation from God. But what exactly is the point of MY life? I could go through my life never having to deal with the world again, except for a few choice mission trips that add to my life experiences but don't strengthen my faith in light of anything real. In order to have an effect on the world, I have to be in it. In order to truly glorify God, I should probably get out from under the covers of my Christian life and face the thing that scares me the most: the fact that I want the world. I could go on working with Christians and hanging out with Christians, but then it isn't a choice, is it? It isn't a choice to follow God if all of your friends are doing it. We are called to LIVE IN THIS WORLD. That is figurative, not literal. Obviously, we all live in the same literal world, but the place I have grown up and the relationships that have grown in that fertile community is completely different than the world everyone else lives in. And basically, what good are we doing staying in it? Yeah, we are strengthening the body and semi-strengthening our own souls, but we are never testing our faith, we are never living examples because no one around us needs to be convinced of God's love and grace.
I guess all I can say is that in order to truly know what you believe, you have to be around people that think something different. You can't discover who you are around the people who have molded and helped form your opinions and ideas. I was surprised by how weak my faith actually is when I went away from the people who daily bolster and encourage my beliefs.
So what is the point of your being a Christian when you aren't living in the world? I don't think that is how God called me to live. I can't surround myself with people who make me feel safe and constantly encourage the things I say and believe, because then I will get weak and comfortable. Weak and comfortable is not a good recipe for a Christian...and I think everyone knows that. I think that we are specifically called to be strong and uncomfortable. I think we are specifically called to live IN this world but not to be OF this world.
You live and you make your choices about your friends and your work, but don't be surprised when you find yourself around a lot of people who are offended by your ideas and subtly tempt you with things you have never experienced before. Only when you truly realize your own weakness will you realize the point of your faith anyways.
Soli Deo Gloria
Basically, I have had the same friends and the same types of friends my whole life. I couldn't feel more incredibly blessed, but I also feel a little guilty. I have never been out of my bubble. I have grown up and become the person I have because that is how everyone around me was. I have chosen to follow Christ because I never really had another option. This summer was the first time I have ever been out of my Christian bubble, and I saw the world for what it really was. In the world, your friends don't hold you accountable for your mistakes, oftentimes they justify and encourage them...and you start to do the same. I realized that there was another way to live besides the pursuing righteousness way. I realized that I wasn't as strong as I thought that I was. I realized that the world is not Perimeter Christian School or Christ Community Church or Phi Slam or Bridgewater Neighborhood or even anything close to the amazing community I had built up around me. The world is tempting. The world does have fulfilling relationships that lead you to places you never thought you would go. I realized that I had never lived in the world, and have never really chosen living in Christ over living in the world...because it had never truly been an option for me. Christians hang out with Christians. Christians best friend's are Christians. Christians marry Christians. Christians have Christian children and then send them to a Christian school where they can meet, befriend, and marry other Christians.
And I am a product of this thing we call faith. I am a product of this overwhelming grace that saved my parents and my friends and myself from death and eternal isolation from God. But what exactly is the point of MY life? I could go through my life never having to deal with the world again, except for a few choice mission trips that add to my life experiences but don't strengthen my faith in light of anything real. In order to have an effect on the world, I have to be in it. In order to truly glorify God, I should probably get out from under the covers of my Christian life and face the thing that scares me the most: the fact that I want the world. I could go on working with Christians and hanging out with Christians, but then it isn't a choice, is it? It isn't a choice to follow God if all of your friends are doing it. We are called to LIVE IN THIS WORLD. That is figurative, not literal. Obviously, we all live in the same literal world, but the place I have grown up and the relationships that have grown in that fertile community is completely different than the world everyone else lives in. And basically, what good are we doing staying in it? Yeah, we are strengthening the body and semi-strengthening our own souls, but we are never testing our faith, we are never living examples because no one around us needs to be convinced of God's love and grace.
I guess all I can say is that in order to truly know what you believe, you have to be around people that think something different. You can't discover who you are around the people who have molded and helped form your opinions and ideas. I was surprised by how weak my faith actually is when I went away from the people who daily bolster and encourage my beliefs.
So what is the point of your being a Christian when you aren't living in the world? I don't think that is how God called me to live. I can't surround myself with people who make me feel safe and constantly encourage the things I say and believe, because then I will get weak and comfortable. Weak and comfortable is not a good recipe for a Christian...and I think everyone knows that. I think that we are specifically called to be strong and uncomfortable. I think we are specifically called to live IN this world but not to be OF this world.
You live and you make your choices about your friends and your work, but don't be surprised when you find yourself around a lot of people who are offended by your ideas and subtly tempt you with things you have never experienced before. Only when you truly realize your own weakness will you realize the point of your faith anyways.
Soli Deo Gloria
Monday, October 4, 2010
When our two souls stand up erect and strong
When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curved point,--what bitter wrong
Can the earth do to us, that we should not long
Be here contented? Think! In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Beloved,--where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day,
With darkness and the death-hour rounding it.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browing
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curved point,--what bitter wrong
Can the earth do to us, that we should not long
Be here contented? Think! In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Beloved,--where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day,
With darkness and the death-hour rounding it.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browing
Final Transfer
And here is the final part of my virb account. Funny how I am probably the only one who actually cares about rereading this, I guess it is like a journal that you can't make yourself throw away..so it will just live on in internet infamy to haunt me should I ever become famous.
A BIT about BLOGGING
June 5, 2009
So, originally I had planned on deleting this blog when I got back from Germany. I think mainly because I just hate the word blog. But at 2 in the morning writing down things on a website so the whole world can see them seems like a wonderful idea. I mean, who doesn't want to bare their soul to any person who cares to view this site? Actually, to be honest, I think I would bare my soul to most people who asked me...who really asked me. But, the problem is, no one ever asks who really wants to know me. The problem with this age isn't the corruption of media or bad parenting or alcohol or what have you, it's that people don't really listen to one another; that people don't really care what is going on in another person's life. We all live for ourselves. At least I do. So here it is: the blog. The blog came about because some people think their thoughts are so valuable, so important, that they deserve to be read by everyone; and others don't actually have anyone to listen to them, anyone to ask them these probing, soul-searching questions, so they write it all on the internet so that someone will read their thoughts and maybe, just maybe, actually care. Which one am I, do you ask? Well, I could say that my friends made me keep a blog so they could hear all that went down in Germany, but here I am, a week after I got back, still writing. To be honest, I guess I think what I have to say is important. For some reason, I think you will gain something by reading what I have to say. Yeah, that's probably really vain, but what would you have me do? Should I contain all of my thoughts to the private pages of my journal? Ha- that's so last year. Well I guess since I have you here, I should probably say something profound so you actually get something out of all of this wasted time. The only thing that is profound in my life is God. That might sound like a cop out, but it is the truth. I have spent my whole life doing a little dance with God. I am always the little girl dancing with her dad, I stand on his shoes as he whirls me around the dance floor. But sometimes, I guess the only way I can put it, is I get sick of it. I get sick of being so predictable, so obedient. I lose sight of the joy Christ brings me and focus on things that are so much more worldly and so much less valuable. Like, you know how little children will one second be laughing and happy and then the next they are little demons. I am the little girl happy and smiling and loved; dancing on her father's toes, holding his hands, then something happens, I can't even explain it, but I am upset and melancholy and I cry in his arms, or I throw a tantrum and yell at him as he keep on dancing. I have never walked away from that dance. The joy of Christ has infiltrated my life to the point where I think that would be virtually impossible. But I still feel ashamed for my taciturn behavior a lot of the times. Unfortunately, we can't all be perfect children. Unfortunately, life can pull you to pieces. Children are much more open with their emotions, so we call them temperamental, but we all feel like that inside; happy one minute, then upset the next. I think the thing to remember is to just never stop dancing. No matter what, you are in a much better place out on the dance floor than hidden in the crowds of people. I don't know if that made any sense to anyone else, but it helped me...so I guess that's all I can really ask for. If you look at it this way; you are always in the same place, your mood just changes. You are always in your father's arms, your emotions just get in the way of your own joy. But then again, this could just be me.
Normal People. Yes we can.
January 20, 2010
My roommate has to do a study on children. She is looking for research and can't find anything on average children, as in children who aren't deaf or mentally disabled or something. In my history in cinema class, my teacher brought up the topic of movie's main characters. Why are they always white? She asked. Why aren't "minorities" (even though- let's be honest, they aren't minorities anymore) represented in blockbuster movies? I couldn't answer. I mean, I'm white, so I guess I like seeing white people represented...but as for the rest of the American population, I have no idea. I live in a house with 3 other girls. I know countless others who are very similar in this: awesome, beautiful, adventurous, interesting, and solid believers. Yet, I feel like we are constantly getting left out of the picture too. So...I guess I am wondering why we are leaving everyone out. The normal people that is. Normal kids need love too. Black and Latino and Asian people should be in American film as much as Gerard Butler is. Girls who stand for something should feel just as much apart of this world as girls who just want one thing. There is this line in Harry Potter 5. When Harry is feeling alone, Luna says; "I suppose that's how he wants you to feel...if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat." Now, I don't really know what I am threatening, but I think it is probably the society that encourages depravity rather than promotes love and righteousness. I want to threaten that. Bring it on world.
Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain. -Billie Holiday
January 21, 2010
I think I might be one of the only people on this earth who loves the rain. I looked outside this morning and smiled. There is something about the rain that softens everything, yet also has the ability to make it more epic. I love to play in the rain, or sit and read with a cup of coffee next to a window. I put on candles and classical music and just relax. Sometimes, when I am driving my car in the rain and the wipers are going fast across my windshield, I pretend I am in Jurassic Park and dinosaurs are coming after me. Rain makes everyone feel the way I feel all the time, a little mushy inside and in need of someone close to keep me tucked together. I guess that's why I love it so much, just another excuse to be close
The Joy of a Challenge
February 25, 2010
Life is kind of a waste if there is no challenge. If there is no struggle, where it the success? Am I proud when I do something that is easy- no. I am proud when I accomplish something that I only dreamed I could do. As I am trying to decide what I want to do with my life, I have come across I feeling in me that I didn't realize was there. I don't want to go around begging for a job, or asking for favors from friends, or feeling lucky because someone gave me a chance. I want to earn the job I get, and I want to earn the money they pay me. I want to do hard work and be challenged everyday. Where is a job like that? Where is a job that won't stick me at a desk and won't ask me to waste my potential doing work a monkey could do? That's what I want. My biggest fear, other than ending up alone, is ending up in an existence where I am just prodding along, unchanging. I will not stop learning once I am out of school. I will not stop growing once I am grown up. I want a challenge and I want to strive for something worthy of winning.
The end is only the beginning
May 18, 2010
I am doing a Maymester to finish up my history degree. It is a lot of hard work. I am literally in class from 9:30 until 3 and then I have to come home and read an average of 200 pages per evening. The worst part about it is that I feel kind of purposeless, like I am just wasting my time until I got to the next thing..and I am not even enjoying the wasted time. That's a lie, I am learning a ridiculous amount, and it is all SO interesting. I am learning about the civil rights movement and american women since 1865. Seriously, I have never been so inspired to live a purpose-filled life, and been so grateful for the rights that I have as I have been this past week and a half in these two classes. Hearing about the hardships (that's an understatement, more like shit fest) these men and women went through to get BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS, rights that I take for granted today, makes me want to take up a cause and run with it. So I have been thinking, and there has been a lot of changing of heart and a lot of sudden realizations that have got me to this point- why not take a month or a year or a few years off, leave home, leave money-making, and truly imitate Christ? Why not actually help people? Why not actually treat people like they want to be treated? I always make excuses as to why I am so self-involved all the time, why I don't live for others, but the truth of the matter is, I am just really selfish. I don't want to make excuses anymore. I have all the time in the world. I just graduated from college for goodness' sake! I don't need to get a real job until I am at least 25! I am going to take a leap of faith here, and follow God's greatest commandment, well, try to at the very least: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself" and, as Christ so succinctly put it: "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). I want to do something for Christ and for my neighbor. I don't want to do it for me. I want to feel what it is really like to put 100% of who I am into being like Christ. What a gift that would be! I am trying to get an internship at CDC 58:12, which is building homes for people in New Orleans that had there homes destroyed by Katrina. I have no idea if I will get this internship, but it is already looking better than that Penguin one did. Haha. I love God. Christ saved me. I say it, but I don't live it. I know I don't. I am so hypocritical and I am getting sick of myself. It's the end of college, the end of being covered by my parents insurance, and the end of life as I know it, but it is just the beginning of my new path, of my truly following Christ, and I couldn't me more excited for it to begin.
A BIT about BLOGGING
June 5, 2009
So, originally I had planned on deleting this blog when I got back from Germany. I think mainly because I just hate the word blog. But at 2 in the morning writing down things on a website so the whole world can see them seems like a wonderful idea. I mean, who doesn't want to bare their soul to any person who cares to view this site? Actually, to be honest, I think I would bare my soul to most people who asked me...who really asked me. But, the problem is, no one ever asks who really wants to know me. The problem with this age isn't the corruption of media or bad parenting or alcohol or what have you, it's that people don't really listen to one another; that people don't really care what is going on in another person's life. We all live for ourselves. At least I do. So here it is: the blog. The blog came about because some people think their thoughts are so valuable, so important, that they deserve to be read by everyone; and others don't actually have anyone to listen to them, anyone to ask them these probing, soul-searching questions, so they write it all on the internet so that someone will read their thoughts and maybe, just maybe, actually care. Which one am I, do you ask? Well, I could say that my friends made me keep a blog so they could hear all that went down in Germany, but here I am, a week after I got back, still writing. To be honest, I guess I think what I have to say is important. For some reason, I think you will gain something by reading what I have to say. Yeah, that's probably really vain, but what would you have me do? Should I contain all of my thoughts to the private pages of my journal? Ha- that's so last year. Well I guess since I have you here, I should probably say something profound so you actually get something out of all of this wasted time. The only thing that is profound in my life is God. That might sound like a cop out, but it is the truth. I have spent my whole life doing a little dance with God. I am always the little girl dancing with her dad, I stand on his shoes as he whirls me around the dance floor. But sometimes, I guess the only way I can put it, is I get sick of it. I get sick of being so predictable, so obedient. I lose sight of the joy Christ brings me and focus on things that are so much more worldly and so much less valuable. Like, you know how little children will one second be laughing and happy and then the next they are little demons. I am the little girl happy and smiling and loved; dancing on her father's toes, holding his hands, then something happens, I can't even explain it, but I am upset and melancholy and I cry in his arms, or I throw a tantrum and yell at him as he keep on dancing. I have never walked away from that dance. The joy of Christ has infiltrated my life to the point where I think that would be virtually impossible. But I still feel ashamed for my taciturn behavior a lot of the times. Unfortunately, we can't all be perfect children. Unfortunately, life can pull you to pieces. Children are much more open with their emotions, so we call them temperamental, but we all feel like that inside; happy one minute, then upset the next. I think the thing to remember is to just never stop dancing. No matter what, you are in a much better place out on the dance floor than hidden in the crowds of people. I don't know if that made any sense to anyone else, but it helped me...so I guess that's all I can really ask for. If you look at it this way; you are always in the same place, your mood just changes. You are always in your father's arms, your emotions just get in the way of your own joy. But then again, this could just be me.
Normal People. Yes we can.
January 20, 2010
My roommate has to do a study on children. She is looking for research and can't find anything on average children, as in children who aren't deaf or mentally disabled or something. In my history in cinema class, my teacher brought up the topic of movie's main characters. Why are they always white? She asked. Why aren't "minorities" (even though- let's be honest, they aren't minorities anymore) represented in blockbuster movies? I couldn't answer. I mean, I'm white, so I guess I like seeing white people represented...but as for the rest of the American population, I have no idea. I live in a house with 3 other girls. I know countless others who are very similar in this: awesome, beautiful, adventurous, interesting, and solid believers. Yet, I feel like we are constantly getting left out of the picture too. So...I guess I am wondering why we are leaving everyone out. The normal people that is. Normal kids need love too. Black and Latino and Asian people should be in American film as much as Gerard Butler is. Girls who stand for something should feel just as much apart of this world as girls who just want one thing. There is this line in Harry Potter 5. When Harry is feeling alone, Luna says; "I suppose that's how he wants you to feel...if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat." Now, I don't really know what I am threatening, but I think it is probably the society that encourages depravity rather than promotes love and righteousness. I want to threaten that. Bring it on world.
Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain. -Billie Holiday
January 21, 2010
I think I might be one of the only people on this earth who loves the rain. I looked outside this morning and smiled. There is something about the rain that softens everything, yet also has the ability to make it more epic. I love to play in the rain, or sit and read with a cup of coffee next to a window. I put on candles and classical music and just relax. Sometimes, when I am driving my car in the rain and the wipers are going fast across my windshield, I pretend I am in Jurassic Park and dinosaurs are coming after me. Rain makes everyone feel the way I feel all the time, a little mushy inside and in need of someone close to keep me tucked together. I guess that's why I love it so much, just another excuse to be close
The Joy of a Challenge
February 25, 2010
Life is kind of a waste if there is no challenge. If there is no struggle, where it the success? Am I proud when I do something that is easy- no. I am proud when I accomplish something that I only dreamed I could do. As I am trying to decide what I want to do with my life, I have come across I feeling in me that I didn't realize was there. I don't want to go around begging for a job, or asking for favors from friends, or feeling lucky because someone gave me a chance. I want to earn the job I get, and I want to earn the money they pay me. I want to do hard work and be challenged everyday. Where is a job like that? Where is a job that won't stick me at a desk and won't ask me to waste my potential doing work a monkey could do? That's what I want. My biggest fear, other than ending up alone, is ending up in an existence where I am just prodding along, unchanging. I will not stop learning once I am out of school. I will not stop growing once I am grown up. I want a challenge and I want to strive for something worthy of winning.
The end is only the beginning
May 18, 2010
I am doing a Maymester to finish up my history degree. It is a lot of hard work. I am literally in class from 9:30 until 3 and then I have to come home and read an average of 200 pages per evening. The worst part about it is that I feel kind of purposeless, like I am just wasting my time until I got to the next thing..and I am not even enjoying the wasted time. That's a lie, I am learning a ridiculous amount, and it is all SO interesting. I am learning about the civil rights movement and american women since 1865. Seriously, I have never been so inspired to live a purpose-filled life, and been so grateful for the rights that I have as I have been this past week and a half in these two classes. Hearing about the hardships (that's an understatement, more like shit fest) these men and women went through to get BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS, rights that I take for granted today, makes me want to take up a cause and run with it. So I have been thinking, and there has been a lot of changing of heart and a lot of sudden realizations that have got me to this point- why not take a month or a year or a few years off, leave home, leave money-making, and truly imitate Christ? Why not actually help people? Why not actually treat people like they want to be treated? I always make excuses as to why I am so self-involved all the time, why I don't live for others, but the truth of the matter is, I am just really selfish. I don't want to make excuses anymore. I have all the time in the world. I just graduated from college for goodness' sake! I don't need to get a real job until I am at least 25! I am going to take a leap of faith here, and follow God's greatest commandment, well, try to at the very least: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself" and, as Christ so succinctly put it: "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). I want to do something for Christ and for my neighbor. I don't want to do it for me. I want to feel what it is really like to put 100% of who I am into being like Christ. What a gift that would be! I am trying to get an internship at CDC 58:12, which is building homes for people in New Orleans that had there homes destroyed by Katrina. I have no idea if I will get this internship, but it is already looking better than that Penguin one did. Haha. I love God. Christ saved me. I say it, but I don't live it. I know I don't. I am so hypocritical and I am getting sick of myself. It's the end of college, the end of being covered by my parents insurance, and the end of life as I know it, but it is just the beginning of my new path, of my truly following Christ, and I couldn't me more excited for it to begin.
WAY too much to deal with... GERMANY 2009
So, I realized that I have two blogs, and while I don't really use even one of them all that much, I definitely have no need for two. But I don't want to just delete everything I wrote all my old blog, so I am just going to copy and past all that was on that one to here. So, this is from last year...I just thought it was time to consolidate.
Here is my blogged trip to Germany Feb 25-June 1, 2009
Feb 25, 2009
So it begins...
I am going to Germany for 5 months to help start a campus ministry at Tubingen University in Tubingen, Germany near Stuttgart. Everyone was telling me to e-mail them...which I still plan to do, but I just figured this would be easier. Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Feb 26, 2009
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
As I was driving away from Athens yesterday I finally felt the impacts of the fact that I am leaving the people I love the most in this world and I won't see them for 5 months. 5 months sounds like such a long time to me right now. I knew this would be good because one day... probably around graduation I would leave my community of best friends for good. One day sitting up in bed and talking to Lauren, or going down the hall and talking to Bon, going downstairs to talk to Allison, or even making it all the way across the street to talk to Beka, Leanna, Erin or Katie will seem like a lifetime away; but right now, it is my reality. I live in the closest proximity possible to the best friends I am convinced anyone has ever had. I was in physical pain leaving that. I didn't realize I was such a softy. I know I will be in the presence of friends in Germany, and that I will probably be a bit distracted by the work God has for me, but I just want you to know, friends, that apart from God, you guys give my life purpose. You add remarkable value to my life and I never want to give any of you up. That is why this little trip of mine is so valuable: I am too selfish to let any of you go, and I know that one day we will all go off and become missionaries or have fancy careers (cough Allison) or get married (cough..you know) and follow whatever path God has planned for us, and on that day we will be mature and cry and hurt but be happy for one another, because we will have learned to let go. Right now, I am learning to let go of you, and it stinks horribly. So, if you were wondering, I am not as super-stoked as I should be about going to Germany in (T- 2) days because I am mourning the loss of my most beloved community, but no fears, I have a fast turnover rate. And I will be taking bits of all of you with me, you all are a part of who I am, I love you all irrevocably, ha- almost as much as I love myself.
..upon arrival
March 1, 2009
As I arrived in Germany and was waiting for my bags, I was struck by a wave of nausea and an intense feeling of fear. That was a very weird experience for me because I don't normally freak out very easily. So I put my American music in my ears and breathed in and out while I focused on the conveyor belt that would bring my clothes to me. THANKFULLY, my team was right there waiting for me, filming me actually, as I walked through the exit. I am now here with ERIN!, Steph, Nate, Neb, Jack, and Brady and our fearless leaders: Chandler, Beth, Stephanie and Chris. Chandler filled me in and made me sign paperwork saying that I wouldn't drink heavily or make out with Germans. Then we went to lunch where a very intimidating Asian German woman told me I couldn't drink me bottled coke in there. She was speaking German, but it definitely sounded like: "get that out of here". Then we walked around Tubingen, my new home! It is so precious, I can't believe this is real. It is 10 am in Atlanta, 4 pm here, and apart from about 3 hours of sleep on the plane, I have been up since 10 am yesterday....and I am not planning on going to sleep anytime soon. Needless to say, I am REALLY tired, but going strong. Talk to you later, maybe next time I will be awake enough to give some interesting information.
Schule
March 5, 2009
Okay, it has been really hectic over here in Europe, so I have a few things to catch up on... Day 3: Do any of you remember how I said we were trying to get into this Intensive, month-long German course? I might have mentioned that they wanted us to be A2 German speakers...but we really didn't know what that meant. Only two of us have actually taken German, and the rest of us were just going to wing it on this test (that I didn't realize we had to take when I signed up for the class). We had a day to prepare and learn a few phrases in German "Ich heise Kelly", "Ich komme aus den USA". But when we got to the test EVERYTHING was in German. They wanted us to write a 10 sentence essay and answer 90 questions. It was actually really hilarious. Nate wrote on his "Ich heise Nate. Ich komme aus den USA. Ich speche Deutsche nicht." Which means "My name is Nate. I am from the United States. I don't speak English." And he walked out in like 10 minutes. I was laughing the whole time as I wrote sentences like "I eat Apple Strudel" and pretended like I new what the test said. At one point during the class the teacher made a joke in German and everyone laughed...so we all looked at each other and laughed along with them. It would be nice to know what that joke had been. Needless to say, only the 2 of us who had actually taken German got into the course. The rest of us got a lot of exasperated looks and were escorted to a language institute where we could be in an actual beginner's class. EVERYONE of the 45 people in that class now know us as the "Georgia people". Chandler, our fearless leader, actually heard this group of students talking about us when he was around town. We are pretty well known here in Tubingen. It's quite fun. Okay, chew on that story for a while. I miss you all!
German School
March 7, 2009
Not too much has happened....... The first day Erin, Steph, and I were 30 minutes late to class. The second day our bus broke down... But Germans rock. When we broke down, there was a new bus right behind us to take over. They are very efficient here. WE ALL GOT INTO TUBINGEN UNIVERSITY FOR THE SUMMER SEMESTER! That is definitely a praise. Chandler had been waiting outside the office practicing cuss words in German in case we didn't get in and he had to threaten the administrator. Erin and Steph met this homeless man named William Wallace. He gave them a dragon made of copper wire and rubber tubing...I don't see how it looks like a dragon at all. We made friends with the other people in our class: one is Hungarian, two are Swiss, one is Indian, and the other is Uzbekistani (?). The Indian girl, Ketaki, is learning German because she just moved here in December when she got married to her German husband, Sven. They are both SO sweet. They are going to have a housewarming party soon that they invited us too. I can't think of anything else exciting, so I hope that is enough for now. Have a wonderful day!
A Few Bumps in the Road
March 11, 2009
So, you know how I said that we all got into the Tubingen for the summer semester.....that was kind of a mistake. Today we went and talked to the HEADMASTER who was completely baffled at the fact that we were even in Tubingen, how and why we were here, etc. Two people asked us if we were SURE we were in the right city. It was kind of humorous actually. The problem is, since we are not even in an exchange program, we cannot be in Tubingen's exchange program. The headmaster told us that we could sign up for the courses after all of the real students had signed up, but there probably won't be that many courses left over. BUT, we did get dorm rooms. Somehow. The headmaster was really confused as to HOW we got dorm rooms seeing as WE AREN'T STUDENTS at the university. Thankfully, though, God found us a place to stay before we got rejected from school. Oh, I baked cookies yesterday! I was so proud of myself. Finding the baking soda was the hardest thing, but I was resourceful. That's all for now. I am working on pictures.
Another Brick in the Wall
March 13, 2009
We Don't Need No Education.... So, we met with the Headmaster of the International Program (again), the Student Exchange coordinator, and Frau Hahne (again, also) today...let's just say it was another busy day...let me start over. In the hustle to get our dorm rooms (was that JUST two days ago?), we had to talk to a sweet woman named Frau Hahne...I say sweet with all the sarcasm that can possibly be intonated in a 1-syllable word. See, we needed admission papers into Tubingen to get dorm rooms so we went to see her because, like I said earlier: we thought we were actually in some program the school offered. She seemed really upset with us and told us: "I will not register you into Tubingen" and then left in a huff. Well, yesterday, this same woman called us while we were in German class and talked to Nate. She said we had to come and meet again today and talk to the aforementioned people. She also mentioned that it was her birthday today and she would have to come into work anyways to see us...nice. So we are all really nervous, but what's the worst that can happen, right? We had to leave class early so we could meet with everyone at 10:30. Now here, my friends, was the best part of my day...nay my week... Okay, we have this sweet older woman, Cornelia, who is our German teacher. After we tell her we have to go meet with the University she gave us our hausaufgabon (homework) and then she asks us if we are coming back. We told her we probably we wouldn't be able to (class is over on Fridays at 12). She says: "Please try and come back...I LOVE YOU". We died. It was so precious! Everyone just cracked up laughing and professing their love for her too. We should have known...we are very well-liked here in Germany for some reason. Nothing too exciting happened in the meeting...except they told us to not tell any of our friends back at home to EVER do what we are doing....so any future Global-scopers will have to make up a new state to be from. Besides, we Georgian's are making a name here in Tubingen and we don't want anyone tarnishing the lovable reputation that we have. Oh, I forgot to mention. Since Frau Hahne had told us that it was her birthday to guilt trip us, we decided to bake her cookies and get her a card. Ummm.....turned her into the SWEETEST woman. People just need a little sugar and love to make the world taste better. I am out for now, we are painting the main room of the campus house a hideous, gak-green and I really don't want to miss restraining my upchuck reflex at the desecration of this 1920s house. LOVE you guys!
March 15, 2009
Hello all! So, many of you have joked about how my lateness would be a problem for me in the very-efficient, always-on-time Germany. How right you were.... So yesterday, we were all going to go to Bodensee (like 2 hours away by train), see Lake Konstanz and just have a nice day in the sun. The train left at 12:30. As I watched the bus I was supposed to be on to get to the train station in PLENTY of time, I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it to the Haubtbahnhof (train station), but I ran anyways. About 15 minutes later, after passing atleast 3 other bus stops to see if I could catch a bus to take me to the train station, I called Chandler and asked him what I should do if I was late and he said that there was a train 30 minutes later I could catch. Well I ran out onto the platform and could see the train all of my friends were on just chugging away (do trains still chug?) and I was nearly about to cry. It was very movie-esque, it would have been nice to have some sappy song playing in the background. So I went to the ticket counter to get a ticket on the next train and he told me I wouldn't get there until 5, and it would cost 21 euros. So I opted to just have a relaxing day in Tubingen and get a few necessities, like a hair dryer and a James Dean poster for my room. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but we meet these friends when we were failing the Intensive German test when were first got here: Ketaki and Sven. Sven is German and Ketaki is Indian. They met in India when Sven was doing an internship and they got married a few months ago. Now Ketaki has to learn German, as she is living in Germany, and she came with us to the Sprachinstitut when none of us could handle the Intensive Course. We all became friends really quickly. Last Sunday we all went Salsa Dancing and a few nights ago they had us over for dinner. So when I realized I would be spending the day in Tubingen alone, I called Ketaki to see what she was up to...I was in luck! Ketaki & Sven were performing at man's 65th Birthday party. They told me I should come along, and how could I turn down my first opportunity at a German Birthday party?! Ketaki danced an Indian dance, Sven juggled. The family was so nice to me and I even caught on to a few of the stories they were telling in German. It really sucks that I missed the day trip, but I am really glad I got to experience all of that yesterday. Working on being on time until next time!
March 18, 2009
I decided to do some shout-outs to people on here, just to make things a little more interesting (and obviously so you can see who I love the most). I have a lot right now because I have been thinking about doing it for the past few days: Allison, even you have been saying your last name wrong this whole time; it is pronounced: shlishting. Crazy huh? Christina Serra, remember that green hat that I tried at half moon, around my birthday? Well I got it later ( I actually ordered it and had my parents send it to me). Now everytime I wear it (which is right now in fact) I think of you. I would like to give my overwhelming thanks to you John K for letting me steal all of your music last year. Ok Go has been a godsend. Bonne, I have a very horrible story for you. They don't dance here. Actually, this is for everyone: when a good dance song is on these people don't even budge. There is no swaying of the hips of nodding of the head with a good beat, they all just stand there as if music has no affect on the body whatsoever. I just don't understand it. Beka, Mary Ellen, Allison & Lauren: I have the picture of when you took me out to LongHorn's for my birthday on my computer and everytime I look at it I nearly cry because I miss you all (and EVERYONE) so much. Thankfully, I am definitely starting to see my purpose here...my straightforwardness is coming in handy if you get my drift. I can't think of anything as exciting as missing the train...so I will just end it at that. You all are so amazing and I miss you like crazy. Please pray that the spirit of God will be on this house as we prepare it for German students and be in each one of us so that we can reveal the glory of God.
March 25, 2009
So, what have we been doing? We are all progressing in our German..so that's good. Erin and I saw a French film (in German) at the theatre and it was was actually pretty good. It was a romantic comedy I would say...more comedy than romance. We understood the story eventhough we couldn't really understand what they were saying. Beka, THANK YOU so much for all the Tim Keller sermons you have blessed me with. If you feel the need to send me more, go right ahead. We go to church here, but...its in German, so needless to say, we don't get a lot out of it. It is really nice just to put a sermon on and get fed for the day. Yesterday Erin helped me move out of the apartment I had been staying in so I can sleep on her floor (wahoo!). It was HILARIOUS! She was carrying all of my food in a bag that ended up breaking (of course) and I had all of these cushions tied to my bag with scarves. We had to walk like 15 minutes and then take two buses. I was just laughing the whole time because I was so tired from caring all of my crap and the bag ripping and us just looking ridiculous. It was awesome. On Fridays in Germany people leave random stuff in front of their houses just as give away. I have picked up at chair and a platter for the girl whose apartment I was staying in, and we also got a coffee grinder and an espresso machine. It is so weird, because the stuff all works, but really nice. We plan on scouring the streets every Friday to stock up the campus house. Oh, and "Lieber gar nichts zu Weihnachten" means "I would rather have nothing for Christmas". You would use it if someone asked you to do something really horrible like: "Hey, do you want to eat this spider?" I love you and miss you!
March 28
A Day of Rest
Writing a blog is kind of difficult because I never want to say anything that will hurt anyone's feelings or divulge too many of my emotions because I really never know who could be reading this. So, being here has been really great, don't get me wrong...but it has been really hard for me. If you know me you know how my love language causes me problems when I am not with the people I am completely comfortable with. This whole time here, with all of the random difficulties we have gone through, I have never really felt at rest. I haven't been able to just be comfortable and fully at peace with the people around me... I love them all and they are really great, but like I mentioned before, my love language requires more than just good conversation and encouragement. So I had kind of been wearing thin as I went through each day and tried to keep a positive attitude about everything; but yesterday I was revived! And I want to thank everyone who was a part of that. I love each one of you SO much. Yesterday I needed to call my mom and dad, so I went to Steph & Chris's apartment and skyped them. Kind of by accident, I ended up at there apartment for the rest of the day, most of it alone. I talked to my parents for a while and it was such a blessing. Then I watched the Office for 2 hours, which was priceless, and then, the icing on the cake: I got to talk to Lauren for an hour. I wish I knew more of your numbers by heart, but unfortunately I could only think of Lauren's and after trying a few times, she finally picked up. She really encouraged me and made me feel loved and purposeful. Lauren, it was so hard to say goodbye to you, hearing your voice was such a blessing, I wish I could record you so I can have it always with me....sorry if that sounds weird. The day ended perfectly: Steph came home, and Brady was planning on having dinner with her and watching a movie. Two other girls came over, and it turned into an impromptu girls night complete with TAGALONGS! and Peanut Butter M&MS! that Steph had brought back from America. I also want to thank you all SO much for any prayers you can throw my way. This ministry will only succeed with prayer and the Holy Spirit rocking this campus. I love you all more than these words could ever explain, and I think being over here is just making me love you all the more because I miss you so much.
A Day in the Life
April 7, 2009
So, last night we did Karaoke. Oh Yeah. And the girls we were with chose to sing "Like a Prayer" by Madonna. We were pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. So, what have we been up to?...or better yet, what does a day in the life of Kelly Boswell look like in Germany? Let me just tell you: I usually begin my day with music (this morning it was "Grillz") and a little dance party in my dance room that is desperately missing miss Bonne Beasley. Then I read my Bible and eat a little breakfast. The other day I made an Apple-Oatmeal crisp ensemble that turned out very well. Then the day consists of either 1) working on the house, 2) taking a day trip, 3) going to class, 4) walking around the Old City and window shopping, 5) watching massive amounts of TV on "watchTVsitcoms.com", or a combination of all of them. For meals I eat Apples, chocolate, nutella, bread, pizza (when I am lucky), doners (when I am even luckier- they make my top ten for best meal ever. They are kind of like Gyros), and/or cheese. I have thus far baked about 1,000 cookies, give or take a couple hundred. And I look forward to many more baking experiences. At night we either go to a bar and drink very large glasses of German beer or go do Karaoke with students that we have meet, have a Bible study, or just spend a quiet night to ourselves. And that's about it for my day... Here are a few tidbits about Germany should you want to know: 1) they don't dance here 2) they like to drink a lot 3) you don't get water for free at the restaurants 4) Bread=life 5) they prefer "mineralwasser" which is all bubbly and not thirst-quenching at all 6) there isn't any air-conditioning 7) the mail-man rides a bike, and sometimes get on the bus...with his bike 8) you can get yelled at on the bus for talking too loud (which happened to us), having your headphones too loud, or putting your feet on the seats 9) They LOVE juice, any kind of juice, they have it here 10) very small children ride the bus by themselves I think 10 is enough for now. I love you guys!
Fruhlingsfest
April 15, 2009
So, you all know about Oktoberfest I am sure...but have you heard about Fruhlingsfest?! Basically, this is a festival with Six Flags-esque rides, corn on the cob, drinking tents, and crepes all in one! I didn't know singing lame 90s songs and dancing on benches while a bunch of tipsy Germans attempted to have rhythm would be so much fun!...okay, maybe I could've guessed it would be amazing. See, we meet a girl in one of our dorms who works at said festival as a waitress- yes she wears the traditional lederhosen and can carry 5 1-liter mugs of beer in each hand (that is why German women are so strong!). She invited us to this better-than-Oktoberfest- festival on Monday in Stuttgart and it was well worth it. We were in the beer tent from 3:30 to 11 dancing. It was priceless! Brought back memories of homecoming all over again. Easter- I just want everyone of you to not take for granted the fact that you can go to church and understand the sermon. Even though I can't understand what is going on, something about being in a church, being there with people that have the same beliefs as I do, and are worshipping the same God that I do is so refueling and comforting. This past Easter was a great day. I only understood "Jesus hat alles bezalt" which means "Jesus paid it all", but being in the presence of the risen God was worth more than I can ever get out of an English sermon. God is the same here and in America...y'all just don't take Him for granted because I am still jealous of you. Love you and miss you all!
Mr. Baden-Wurtemburg
April 26
Hello all! So, the house is all finished and we had our first event on Friday night. It was game night. We played Apfel zu Apfeln auf Deutsch which was really difficult because, um, I don't speak German (very well). We are getting better at German and yesterday I went to a Cook Out and had a pretty good convo half German/half English. So, there are many parks around Tubingen, and now that the weather is nice we spend a lot of time just hanging out in the sunshine. At the main park (on Wilhelmstrasse) there is a particular local business man who has a daily routine of coming to the park in his suit and stripping down to a white speedo in front of everyone so he can lay out and increase his already ridiculously dark tan. His name is Siegfried and he was Mr. Baden-Wurtemburg 1997. We met some British people who call him Black Bear because of his intense tan. He occasionally gets up and walks around the park doing stretching exercising and pours white powder on his body...I am guessing that is to help the tanning process. I think the biggest thing I am learning here is how to do ministry a different way. I mean, I have always thought of ministry as serving and being there for people when they need it and BIG results and such; but here, ministry is just going out and meeting people. I have to stop expecting huge things to happen and just be okay with making one friend at a time. Here, the Holy Spirit is working slowly, but surely. I guess it is as my Trig teacher used to say: "slow and steady wins the race". I am not going to lie, it is really frustrating. I hate that I can't see results and that we just have to day-by-day chip away at the surface of this university. But I know this is where I am supposed to be for some reason and I can't get disheartened or be disappointed because things aren't happening the way I want them to. I would really appreciate all of y'all's prayers for me and for our team and for God's will to be done here. On a more excited note: I am meeting my parents in London on May 5th! I am SO excited. Hugging them will be like connecting with home and life. I can't wait! Okay, that is all for now. I love you all!
A Little Recap
May 13, 2009
Wow, sorry I haven’t written in quite a while. If you are one of those dedicated checkers, I feel bad for letting you down. SO much has been happening I don’t even know where to begin… Okay, things are really picking up here in Tubingen. We have already had a few events: Game night, Café English, May Day Brunch, Friday Movie Night (all in German if you would believe it!), and a Sunday Cook Out. I also threw a party with my hall a few weeks ago (which was quite a success, as you would imagine). It is SO amazing to actually see the house getting used and see people who want to come and hang out there. I feel like the house is happy to be fulfilling it’s purpose and we are so excited to see how far everything has come in the short two and a half months that we have been here. I feel like we are getting fully integrated into the German night life, too. Most times we go to local bar right in our dorm complex, but we have gone to Top 10 (Tubingen’s night club), and frequented a lot of house parties. Also, Spring has brought the most beautiful German scenery. So, to be cliché, I feel like the weather is mirroring our success here…or I guess I should say God’s success. I don’t usually get into nature that much, but the flowers and green landscapes are impossible to ignore here. Everything is coming to life around us and reflecting the creativity and glory of God (at least for me). It is also getting very warm, which I LOVE. The sun is out most days and we spend our afternoons in the park or walking around enjoying the beautiful weather.
Volleyball auf Deutsch
May 14, 2009
So I just got back from the University’s sport center where I played volleyball and it was AWESOME. First of all, I can understand a little German, but being in there, with all of those people, and no one understanding me because I don’t know any of the German words for anything having to do with volleyball, was hilarious and confusing and SO much fun. When we were separated into teams I turned to my team and said: “Enshuldigung. Ich bin Kelly. Ich komme aus den U.S.A. Ich verstehe am bisschen Deutsch.” (Excuse me. I am Kelly. I am from America. I understand a little German.) They all kind of laughed at me and nodded their heads. Whenever someone did something good I was like “NICE”. Then one time I spiked the ball and the other team couldn’t defend it and this guy on my team, Marcos, turned to me and said “NICE”. It made me so happy! He was either making fun of me or trying to make me feel comfortable, I took it as the latter. So, if you ever think to yourself when playing a sport “I am so confused right now”; just be thankful that it is in English. That is the lesson for today. I miss you all! See you soon! I hope y’all are having an awesome summer!
May 18, 2009
This last week has been really hard. I realized how many different things can tug on my heart and pull it in all different directions to the point where anything I decide is going to hurt. How can everything I do be selfish? I have always known it is impossible to please everyone, so people tell you to just follow your heart. Which, let's be honest, is pretty lame advice. But really, no one really wants you to not be a people-pleaser. Everyone wants to be considered. Everyone wants to be know that they are important to you. So if I decide one thing, does that have to mean that I don't care about the other? Sometimes it is impossible to live without regrets. I just have to face that. Sometimes you just have to make a pro and con list, sometimes you just have to pray, but I think most the time, deep down, you just know. And that is how you make a decision. You just know. I just know what I have to do.
May 24, 2009
So, if you read my last post you might have seen that I was having a pretty tough time because I had to make a tough decision. And, in reading that, you may have thought to yourself: "I wonder what tough decision she is having to make." I figure it is time to mention that I am coming home a little earlier than planned...as in this Saturday..at 4:00. It is kind of a long story. Yes, I am sad to be coming home. No, I did not do anything illegal. That is all. See you Saturday...well maybe Sunday, I need to sleep.
June 1, 2009
Home
I am officially home! Now I just have to find a way to make money while I am here. I will be taking a Junemester class...so that will be fun. As of this minute, the plan is to be a waitress somewhere. Cool.
Here is my blogged trip to Germany Feb 25-June 1, 2009
Feb 25, 2009
So it begins...
I am going to Germany for 5 months to help start a campus ministry at Tubingen University in Tubingen, Germany near Stuttgart. Everyone was telling me to e-mail them...which I still plan to do, but I just figured this would be easier. Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
Feb 26, 2009
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
As I was driving away from Athens yesterday I finally felt the impacts of the fact that I am leaving the people I love the most in this world and I won't see them for 5 months. 5 months sounds like such a long time to me right now. I knew this would be good because one day... probably around graduation I would leave my community of best friends for good. One day sitting up in bed and talking to Lauren, or going down the hall and talking to Bon, going downstairs to talk to Allison, or even making it all the way across the street to talk to Beka, Leanna, Erin or Katie will seem like a lifetime away; but right now, it is my reality. I live in the closest proximity possible to the best friends I am convinced anyone has ever had. I was in physical pain leaving that. I didn't realize I was such a softy. I know I will be in the presence of friends in Germany, and that I will probably be a bit distracted by the work God has for me, but I just want you to know, friends, that apart from God, you guys give my life purpose. You add remarkable value to my life and I never want to give any of you up. That is why this little trip of mine is so valuable: I am too selfish to let any of you go, and I know that one day we will all go off and become missionaries or have fancy careers (cough Allison) or get married (cough..you know) and follow whatever path God has planned for us, and on that day we will be mature and cry and hurt but be happy for one another, because we will have learned to let go. Right now, I am learning to let go of you, and it stinks horribly. So, if you were wondering, I am not as super-stoked as I should be about going to Germany in (T- 2) days because I am mourning the loss of my most beloved community, but no fears, I have a fast turnover rate. And I will be taking bits of all of you with me, you all are a part of who I am, I love you all irrevocably, ha- almost as much as I love myself.
..upon arrival
March 1, 2009
As I arrived in Germany and was waiting for my bags, I was struck by a wave of nausea and an intense feeling of fear. That was a very weird experience for me because I don't normally freak out very easily. So I put my American music in my ears and breathed in and out while I focused on the conveyor belt that would bring my clothes to me. THANKFULLY, my team was right there waiting for me, filming me actually, as I walked through the exit. I am now here with ERIN!, Steph, Nate, Neb, Jack, and Brady and our fearless leaders: Chandler, Beth, Stephanie and Chris. Chandler filled me in and made me sign paperwork saying that I wouldn't drink heavily or make out with Germans. Then we went to lunch where a very intimidating Asian German woman told me I couldn't drink me bottled coke in there. She was speaking German, but it definitely sounded like: "get that out of here". Then we walked around Tubingen, my new home! It is so precious, I can't believe this is real. It is 10 am in Atlanta, 4 pm here, and apart from about 3 hours of sleep on the plane, I have been up since 10 am yesterday....and I am not planning on going to sleep anytime soon. Needless to say, I am REALLY tired, but going strong. Talk to you later, maybe next time I will be awake enough to give some interesting information.
Schule
March 5, 2009
Okay, it has been really hectic over here in Europe, so I have a few things to catch up on... Day 3: Do any of you remember how I said we were trying to get into this Intensive, month-long German course? I might have mentioned that they wanted us to be A2 German speakers...but we really didn't know what that meant. Only two of us have actually taken German, and the rest of us were just going to wing it on this test (that I didn't realize we had to take when I signed up for the class). We had a day to prepare and learn a few phrases in German "Ich heise Kelly", "Ich komme aus den USA". But when we got to the test EVERYTHING was in German. They wanted us to write a 10 sentence essay and answer 90 questions. It was actually really hilarious. Nate wrote on his "Ich heise Nate. Ich komme aus den USA. Ich speche Deutsche nicht." Which means "My name is Nate. I am from the United States. I don't speak English." And he walked out in like 10 minutes. I was laughing the whole time as I wrote sentences like "I eat Apple Strudel" and pretended like I new what the test said. At one point during the class the teacher made a joke in German and everyone laughed...so we all looked at each other and laughed along with them. It would be nice to know what that joke had been. Needless to say, only the 2 of us who had actually taken German got into the course. The rest of us got a lot of exasperated looks and were escorted to a language institute where we could be in an actual beginner's class. EVERYONE of the 45 people in that class now know us as the "Georgia people". Chandler, our fearless leader, actually heard this group of students talking about us when he was around town. We are pretty well known here in Tubingen. It's quite fun. Okay, chew on that story for a while. I miss you all!
German School
March 7, 2009
Not too much has happened....... The first day Erin, Steph, and I were 30 minutes late to class. The second day our bus broke down... But Germans rock. When we broke down, there was a new bus right behind us to take over. They are very efficient here. WE ALL GOT INTO TUBINGEN UNIVERSITY FOR THE SUMMER SEMESTER! That is definitely a praise. Chandler had been waiting outside the office practicing cuss words in German in case we didn't get in and he had to threaten the administrator. Erin and Steph met this homeless man named William Wallace. He gave them a dragon made of copper wire and rubber tubing...I don't see how it looks like a dragon at all. We made friends with the other people in our class: one is Hungarian, two are Swiss, one is Indian, and the other is Uzbekistani (?). The Indian girl, Ketaki, is learning German because she just moved here in December when she got married to her German husband, Sven. They are both SO sweet. They are going to have a housewarming party soon that they invited us too. I can't think of anything else exciting, so I hope that is enough for now. Have a wonderful day!
A Few Bumps in the Road
March 11, 2009
So, you know how I said that we all got into the Tubingen for the summer semester.....that was kind of a mistake. Today we went and talked to the HEADMASTER who was completely baffled at the fact that we were even in Tubingen, how and why we were here, etc. Two people asked us if we were SURE we were in the right city. It was kind of humorous actually. The problem is, since we are not even in an exchange program, we cannot be in Tubingen's exchange program. The headmaster told us that we could sign up for the courses after all of the real students had signed up, but there probably won't be that many courses left over. BUT, we did get dorm rooms. Somehow. The headmaster was really confused as to HOW we got dorm rooms seeing as WE AREN'T STUDENTS at the university. Thankfully, though, God found us a place to stay before we got rejected from school. Oh, I baked cookies yesterday! I was so proud of myself. Finding the baking soda was the hardest thing, but I was resourceful. That's all for now. I am working on pictures.
Another Brick in the Wall
March 13, 2009
We Don't Need No Education.... So, we met with the Headmaster of the International Program (again), the Student Exchange coordinator, and Frau Hahne (again, also) today...let's just say it was another busy day...let me start over. In the hustle to get our dorm rooms (was that JUST two days ago?), we had to talk to a sweet woman named Frau Hahne...I say sweet with all the sarcasm that can possibly be intonated in a 1-syllable word. See, we needed admission papers into Tubingen to get dorm rooms so we went to see her because, like I said earlier: we thought we were actually in some program the school offered. She seemed really upset with us and told us: "I will not register you into Tubingen" and then left in a huff. Well, yesterday, this same woman called us while we were in German class and talked to Nate. She said we had to come and meet again today and talk to the aforementioned people. She also mentioned that it was her birthday today and she would have to come into work anyways to see us...nice. So we are all really nervous, but what's the worst that can happen, right? We had to leave class early so we could meet with everyone at 10:30. Now here, my friends, was the best part of my day...nay my week... Okay, we have this sweet older woman, Cornelia, who is our German teacher. After we tell her we have to go meet with the University she gave us our hausaufgabon (homework) and then she asks us if we are coming back. We told her we probably we wouldn't be able to (class is over on Fridays at 12). She says: "Please try and come back...I LOVE YOU". We died. It was so precious! Everyone just cracked up laughing and professing their love for her too. We should have known...we are very well-liked here in Germany for some reason. Nothing too exciting happened in the meeting...except they told us to not tell any of our friends back at home to EVER do what we are doing....so any future Global-scopers will have to make up a new state to be from. Besides, we Georgian's are making a name here in Tubingen and we don't want anyone tarnishing the lovable reputation that we have. Oh, I forgot to mention. Since Frau Hahne had told us that it was her birthday to guilt trip us, we decided to bake her cookies and get her a card. Ummm.....turned her into the SWEETEST woman. People just need a little sugar and love to make the world taste better. I am out for now, we are painting the main room of the campus house a hideous, gak-green and I really don't want to miss restraining my upchuck reflex at the desecration of this 1920s house. LOVE you guys!
March 15, 2009
Hello all! So, many of you have joked about how my lateness would be a problem for me in the very-efficient, always-on-time Germany. How right you were.... So yesterday, we were all going to go to Bodensee (like 2 hours away by train), see Lake Konstanz and just have a nice day in the sun. The train left at 12:30. As I watched the bus I was supposed to be on to get to the train station in PLENTY of time, I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it to the Haubtbahnhof (train station), but I ran anyways. About 15 minutes later, after passing atleast 3 other bus stops to see if I could catch a bus to take me to the train station, I called Chandler and asked him what I should do if I was late and he said that there was a train 30 minutes later I could catch. Well I ran out onto the platform and could see the train all of my friends were on just chugging away (do trains still chug?) and I was nearly about to cry. It was very movie-esque, it would have been nice to have some sappy song playing in the background. So I went to the ticket counter to get a ticket on the next train and he told me I wouldn't get there until 5, and it would cost 21 euros. So I opted to just have a relaxing day in Tubingen and get a few necessities, like a hair dryer and a James Dean poster for my room. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but we meet these friends when we were failing the Intensive German test when were first got here: Ketaki and Sven. Sven is German and Ketaki is Indian. They met in India when Sven was doing an internship and they got married a few months ago. Now Ketaki has to learn German, as she is living in Germany, and she came with us to the Sprachinstitut when none of us could handle the Intensive Course. We all became friends really quickly. Last Sunday we all went Salsa Dancing and a few nights ago they had us over for dinner. So when I realized I would be spending the day in Tubingen alone, I called Ketaki to see what she was up to...I was in luck! Ketaki & Sven were performing at man's 65th Birthday party. They told me I should come along, and how could I turn down my first opportunity at a German Birthday party?! Ketaki danced an Indian dance, Sven juggled. The family was so nice to me and I even caught on to a few of the stories they were telling in German. It really sucks that I missed the day trip, but I am really glad I got to experience all of that yesterday. Working on being on time until next time!
March 18, 2009
I decided to do some shout-outs to people on here, just to make things a little more interesting (and obviously so you can see who I love the most). I have a lot right now because I have been thinking about doing it for the past few days: Allison, even you have been saying your last name wrong this whole time; it is pronounced: shlishting. Crazy huh? Christina Serra, remember that green hat that I tried at half moon, around my birthday? Well I got it later ( I actually ordered it and had my parents send it to me). Now everytime I wear it (which is right now in fact) I think of you. I would like to give my overwhelming thanks to you John K for letting me steal all of your music last year. Ok Go has been a godsend. Bonne, I have a very horrible story for you. They don't dance here. Actually, this is for everyone: when a good dance song is on these people don't even budge. There is no swaying of the hips of nodding of the head with a good beat, they all just stand there as if music has no affect on the body whatsoever. I just don't understand it. Beka, Mary Ellen, Allison & Lauren: I have the picture of when you took me out to LongHorn's for my birthday on my computer and everytime I look at it I nearly cry because I miss you all (and EVERYONE) so much. Thankfully, I am definitely starting to see my purpose here...my straightforwardness is coming in handy if you get my drift. I can't think of anything as exciting as missing the train...so I will just end it at that. You all are so amazing and I miss you like crazy. Please pray that the spirit of God will be on this house as we prepare it for German students and be in each one of us so that we can reveal the glory of God.
March 25, 2009
So, what have we been doing? We are all progressing in our German..so that's good. Erin and I saw a French film (in German) at the theatre and it was was actually pretty good. It was a romantic comedy I would say...more comedy than romance. We understood the story eventhough we couldn't really understand what they were saying. Beka, THANK YOU so much for all the Tim Keller sermons you have blessed me with. If you feel the need to send me more, go right ahead. We go to church here, but...its in German, so needless to say, we don't get a lot out of it. It is really nice just to put a sermon on and get fed for the day. Yesterday Erin helped me move out of the apartment I had been staying in so I can sleep on her floor (wahoo!). It was HILARIOUS! She was carrying all of my food in a bag that ended up breaking (of course) and I had all of these cushions tied to my bag with scarves. We had to walk like 15 minutes and then take two buses. I was just laughing the whole time because I was so tired from caring all of my crap and the bag ripping and us just looking ridiculous. It was awesome. On Fridays in Germany people leave random stuff in front of their houses just as give away. I have picked up at chair and a platter for the girl whose apartment I was staying in, and we also got a coffee grinder and an espresso machine. It is so weird, because the stuff all works, but really nice. We plan on scouring the streets every Friday to stock up the campus house. Oh, and "Lieber gar nichts zu Weihnachten" means "I would rather have nothing for Christmas". You would use it if someone asked you to do something really horrible like: "Hey, do you want to eat this spider?" I love you and miss you!
March 28
A Day of Rest
Writing a blog is kind of difficult because I never want to say anything that will hurt anyone's feelings or divulge too many of my emotions because I really never know who could be reading this. So, being here has been really great, don't get me wrong...but it has been really hard for me. If you know me you know how my love language causes me problems when I am not with the people I am completely comfortable with. This whole time here, with all of the random difficulties we have gone through, I have never really felt at rest. I haven't been able to just be comfortable and fully at peace with the people around me... I love them all and they are really great, but like I mentioned before, my love language requires more than just good conversation and encouragement. So I had kind of been wearing thin as I went through each day and tried to keep a positive attitude about everything; but yesterday I was revived! And I want to thank everyone who was a part of that. I love each one of you SO much. Yesterday I needed to call my mom and dad, so I went to Steph & Chris's apartment and skyped them. Kind of by accident, I ended up at there apartment for the rest of the day, most of it alone. I talked to my parents for a while and it was such a blessing. Then I watched the Office for 2 hours, which was priceless, and then, the icing on the cake: I got to talk to Lauren for an hour. I wish I knew more of your numbers by heart, but unfortunately I could only think of Lauren's and after trying a few times, she finally picked up. She really encouraged me and made me feel loved and purposeful. Lauren, it was so hard to say goodbye to you, hearing your voice was such a blessing, I wish I could record you so I can have it always with me....sorry if that sounds weird. The day ended perfectly: Steph came home, and Brady was planning on having dinner with her and watching a movie. Two other girls came over, and it turned into an impromptu girls night complete with TAGALONGS! and Peanut Butter M&MS! that Steph had brought back from America. I also want to thank you all SO much for any prayers you can throw my way. This ministry will only succeed with prayer and the Holy Spirit rocking this campus. I love you all more than these words could ever explain, and I think being over here is just making me love you all the more because I miss you so much.
A Day in the Life
April 7, 2009
So, last night we did Karaoke. Oh Yeah. And the girls we were with chose to sing "Like a Prayer" by Madonna. We were pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. So, what have we been up to?...or better yet, what does a day in the life of Kelly Boswell look like in Germany? Let me just tell you: I usually begin my day with music (this morning it was "Grillz") and a little dance party in my dance room that is desperately missing miss Bonne Beasley. Then I read my Bible and eat a little breakfast. The other day I made an Apple-Oatmeal crisp ensemble that turned out very well. Then the day consists of either 1) working on the house, 2) taking a day trip, 3) going to class, 4) walking around the Old City and window shopping, 5) watching massive amounts of TV on "watchTVsitcoms.com", or a combination of all of them. For meals I eat Apples, chocolate, nutella, bread, pizza (when I am lucky), doners (when I am even luckier- they make my top ten for best meal ever. They are kind of like Gyros), and/or cheese. I have thus far baked about 1,000 cookies, give or take a couple hundred. And I look forward to many more baking experiences. At night we either go to a bar and drink very large glasses of German beer or go do Karaoke with students that we have meet, have a Bible study, or just spend a quiet night to ourselves. And that's about it for my day... Here are a few tidbits about Germany should you want to know: 1) they don't dance here 2) they like to drink a lot 3) you don't get water for free at the restaurants 4) Bread=life 5) they prefer "mineralwasser" which is all bubbly and not thirst-quenching at all 6) there isn't any air-conditioning 7) the mail-man rides a bike, and sometimes get on the bus...with his bike 8) you can get yelled at on the bus for talking too loud (which happened to us), having your headphones too loud, or putting your feet on the seats 9) They LOVE juice, any kind of juice, they have it here 10) very small children ride the bus by themselves I think 10 is enough for now. I love you guys!
Fruhlingsfest
April 15, 2009
So, you all know about Oktoberfest I am sure...but have you heard about Fruhlingsfest?! Basically, this is a festival with Six Flags-esque rides, corn on the cob, drinking tents, and crepes all in one! I didn't know singing lame 90s songs and dancing on benches while a bunch of tipsy Germans attempted to have rhythm would be so much fun!...okay, maybe I could've guessed it would be amazing. See, we meet a girl in one of our dorms who works at said festival as a waitress- yes she wears the traditional lederhosen and can carry 5 1-liter mugs of beer in each hand (that is why German women are so strong!). She invited us to this better-than-Oktoberfest- festival on Monday in Stuttgart and it was well worth it. We were in the beer tent from 3:30 to 11 dancing. It was priceless! Brought back memories of homecoming all over again. Easter- I just want everyone of you to not take for granted the fact that you can go to church and understand the sermon. Even though I can't understand what is going on, something about being in a church, being there with people that have the same beliefs as I do, and are worshipping the same God that I do is so refueling and comforting. This past Easter was a great day. I only understood "Jesus hat alles bezalt" which means "Jesus paid it all", but being in the presence of the risen God was worth more than I can ever get out of an English sermon. God is the same here and in America...y'all just don't take Him for granted because I am still jealous of you. Love you and miss you all!
Mr. Baden-Wurtemburg
April 26
Hello all! So, the house is all finished and we had our first event on Friday night. It was game night. We played Apfel zu Apfeln auf Deutsch which was really difficult because, um, I don't speak German (very well). We are getting better at German and yesterday I went to a Cook Out and had a pretty good convo half German/half English. So, there are many parks around Tubingen, and now that the weather is nice we spend a lot of time just hanging out in the sunshine. At the main park (on Wilhelmstrasse) there is a particular local business man who has a daily routine of coming to the park in his suit and stripping down to a white speedo in front of everyone so he can lay out and increase his already ridiculously dark tan. His name is Siegfried and he was Mr. Baden-Wurtemburg 1997. We met some British people who call him Black Bear because of his intense tan. He occasionally gets up and walks around the park doing stretching exercising and pours white powder on his body...I am guessing that is to help the tanning process. I think the biggest thing I am learning here is how to do ministry a different way. I mean, I have always thought of ministry as serving and being there for people when they need it and BIG results and such; but here, ministry is just going out and meeting people. I have to stop expecting huge things to happen and just be okay with making one friend at a time. Here, the Holy Spirit is working slowly, but surely. I guess it is as my Trig teacher used to say: "slow and steady wins the race". I am not going to lie, it is really frustrating. I hate that I can't see results and that we just have to day-by-day chip away at the surface of this university. But I know this is where I am supposed to be for some reason and I can't get disheartened or be disappointed because things aren't happening the way I want them to. I would really appreciate all of y'all's prayers for me and for our team and for God's will to be done here. On a more excited note: I am meeting my parents in London on May 5th! I am SO excited. Hugging them will be like connecting with home and life. I can't wait! Okay, that is all for now. I love you all!
A Little Recap
May 13, 2009
Wow, sorry I haven’t written in quite a while. If you are one of those dedicated checkers, I feel bad for letting you down. SO much has been happening I don’t even know where to begin… Okay, things are really picking up here in Tubingen. We have already had a few events: Game night, Café English, May Day Brunch, Friday Movie Night (all in German if you would believe it!), and a Sunday Cook Out. I also threw a party with my hall a few weeks ago (which was quite a success, as you would imagine). It is SO amazing to actually see the house getting used and see people who want to come and hang out there. I feel like the house is happy to be fulfilling it’s purpose and we are so excited to see how far everything has come in the short two and a half months that we have been here. I feel like we are getting fully integrated into the German night life, too. Most times we go to local bar right in our dorm complex, but we have gone to Top 10 (Tubingen’s night club), and frequented a lot of house parties. Also, Spring has brought the most beautiful German scenery. So, to be cliché, I feel like the weather is mirroring our success here…or I guess I should say God’s success. I don’t usually get into nature that much, but the flowers and green landscapes are impossible to ignore here. Everything is coming to life around us and reflecting the creativity and glory of God (at least for me). It is also getting very warm, which I LOVE. The sun is out most days and we spend our afternoons in the park or walking around enjoying the beautiful weather.
Volleyball auf Deutsch
May 14, 2009
So I just got back from the University’s sport center where I played volleyball and it was AWESOME. First of all, I can understand a little German, but being in there, with all of those people, and no one understanding me because I don’t know any of the German words for anything having to do with volleyball, was hilarious and confusing and SO much fun. When we were separated into teams I turned to my team and said: “Enshuldigung. Ich bin Kelly. Ich komme aus den U.S.A. Ich verstehe am bisschen Deutsch.” (Excuse me. I am Kelly. I am from America. I understand a little German.) They all kind of laughed at me and nodded their heads. Whenever someone did something good I was like “NICE”. Then one time I spiked the ball and the other team couldn’t defend it and this guy on my team, Marcos, turned to me and said “NICE”. It made me so happy! He was either making fun of me or trying to make me feel comfortable, I took it as the latter. So, if you ever think to yourself when playing a sport “I am so confused right now”; just be thankful that it is in English. That is the lesson for today. I miss you all! See you soon! I hope y’all are having an awesome summer!
May 18, 2009
This last week has been really hard. I realized how many different things can tug on my heart and pull it in all different directions to the point where anything I decide is going to hurt. How can everything I do be selfish? I have always known it is impossible to please everyone, so people tell you to just follow your heart. Which, let's be honest, is pretty lame advice. But really, no one really wants you to not be a people-pleaser. Everyone wants to be considered. Everyone wants to be know that they are important to you. So if I decide one thing, does that have to mean that I don't care about the other? Sometimes it is impossible to live without regrets. I just have to face that. Sometimes you just have to make a pro and con list, sometimes you just have to pray, but I think most the time, deep down, you just know. And that is how you make a decision. You just know. I just know what I have to do.
May 24, 2009
So, if you read my last post you might have seen that I was having a pretty tough time because I had to make a tough decision. And, in reading that, you may have thought to yourself: "I wonder what tough decision she is having to make." I figure it is time to mention that I am coming home a little earlier than planned...as in this Saturday..at 4:00. It is kind of a long story. Yes, I am sad to be coming home. No, I did not do anything illegal. That is all. See you Saturday...well maybe Sunday, I need to sleep.
June 1, 2009
Home
I am officially home! Now I just have to find a way to make money while I am here. I will be taking a Junemester class...so that will be fun. As of this minute, the plan is to be a waitress somewhere. Cool.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Jesus' Name
I don't talk about Jesus because I don't want to be one of those Christians who makes everyone uncomfortable by always talking about Jesus.
If you realize the hypocrisy in that statement, you caught on a lot quicker than I did. But seriously, I judge Christians for being too Christian-y. I don't go to Two-Story because I don't want to get roped into telling every person I know there what I am struggling with or how I am seeing the Lord move in my life.
I have never really seen a problem with my aversion to saying Jesus' name. After all, I am Presbyterian, and we aren't the ones to go dancing in the aisles if you know what I mean. I have always justified how I am and what I say by the simple fact that everyone IS different and everyone worships in different ways...but what I realized is that I am just a coward.
Christ is so real and the problem with denying it is that you'll forget it. Every second Satan is trying to win over this world, seriously. Am I going to let him win because I am scared of a weird look or for someone to judge me like I have been judging everyone else?
This past Easter weekend was amazing. On Good Friday my pastor told us that we killed Christ. I pulled the trigger. I put him up on that cross with my sin, and now I want to hide behind appearances? I have never been one to shout Christ's name around campus, but surely his grace is not without some affect. Surely I realize what he did for me and am overjoyed and overwhelmed and willing to talk about my Savior like he deserves.
By the time Easter service rolled around, I realized how selfish I am. I realized that I am not worshiping like I should. I am not loving like I should. I realized that I sung the songs and I didn't think about what they were saying and I didn't care to. Namely, I realized I wasn't loving my Savior. I have been selfish and self-serving.
So as I was in church, overwhelmed by Christ's sacrifice and how much I SO do not deserve it, and I realized that, while I was seriously screwing things up, it's not over. When the prodigal son returned, the father rejoiced. And, while I know I am not even worthy to work as a humble servant in my Father's house, he still loves me all the same. Christ's death on the cross was not without effect.
I love you Jesus. And thank you for loving me first.
I also want to say that God is so good, case in point: Anna Scott
If you realize the hypocrisy in that statement, you caught on a lot quicker than I did. But seriously, I judge Christians for being too Christian-y. I don't go to Two-Story because I don't want to get roped into telling every person I know there what I am struggling with or how I am seeing the Lord move in my life.
I have never really seen a problem with my aversion to saying Jesus' name. After all, I am Presbyterian, and we aren't the ones to go dancing in the aisles if you know what I mean. I have always justified how I am and what I say by the simple fact that everyone IS different and everyone worships in different ways...but what I realized is that I am just a coward.
Christ is so real and the problem with denying it is that you'll forget it. Every second Satan is trying to win over this world, seriously. Am I going to let him win because I am scared of a weird look or for someone to judge me like I have been judging everyone else?
This past Easter weekend was amazing. On Good Friday my pastor told us that we killed Christ. I pulled the trigger. I put him up on that cross with my sin, and now I want to hide behind appearances? I have never been one to shout Christ's name around campus, but surely his grace is not without some affect. Surely I realize what he did for me and am overjoyed and overwhelmed and willing to talk about my Savior like he deserves.
By the time Easter service rolled around, I realized how selfish I am. I realized that I am not worshiping like I should. I am not loving like I should. I realized that I sung the songs and I didn't think about what they were saying and I didn't care to. Namely, I realized I wasn't loving my Savior. I have been selfish and self-serving.
So as I was in church, overwhelmed by Christ's sacrifice and how much I SO do not deserve it, and I realized that, while I was seriously screwing things up, it's not over. When the prodigal son returned, the father rejoiced. And, while I know I am not even worthy to work as a humble servant in my Father's house, he still loves me all the same. Christ's death on the cross was not without effect.
I love you Jesus. And thank you for loving me first.
I also want to say that God is so good, case in point: Anna Scott
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Depravity
"Excuse my mistakes, realize my limitations. Life is not easy as we know it on the earth." E.M. Forster
One of the most disheartening things in this life is the inability to overcome human nature. Everyday I am struck by my own desire. Everyday I succumb to one thing or another that is depraved and foul. What is worse than my weakness in overcoming my own sin is the fact that I WANT to do this. I premeditate gratifying my sinful nature. And it is disgusting.
What is it that separates me from murderers and perverts? Not a whole lot I should say. So, my desires are not as life-altering, not socially unacceptable or illegal...but it all comes from the same root. If I do not stop it now, if I do not confront and overcome my own lack of self-control, where will I end up?
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
Micah 7:8-9
I do things everyday that I am not proud of. There are things that I do and think that even I am ashamed to remember in the morning. I can say with full confidence that we are a depraved race, unable not to sin. I am weak. I am impure. I can't do anything to change what I have do or what I will do. I am just thankful that that is not the end.
"Have mercy on my, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." Psalm 51:1-2
Confess
"The only sin you have to worry about is unconfessed sin"
Here I am
All of me
I cannot hide anymore
I will not hide anymore
It's on the table
All of my dirt, for you to see
Here are my mistakes and sins.
Some of them were in the moment
Some of them were thought through
Everyone is a weight on my heart.
All of them are convicting me.
Please don't judge me
No more condemnation
Not from you
My best friend
Trust
The only reason I say this
The only way I can share
Now you know
Now I feel freedom
True freedom
Thank you Lord
Thank you for your compassion
For blotting out my transgressions
I was dirty
You, Lord, have cleansed me
You forgot it
But I remembered
I had to confess
To say it out loud,
To trust in this friend.
Now this is redemption.
Soli Deo Gloria
One of the most disheartening things in this life is the inability to overcome human nature. Everyday I am struck by my own desire. Everyday I succumb to one thing or another that is depraved and foul. What is worse than my weakness in overcoming my own sin is the fact that I WANT to do this. I premeditate gratifying my sinful nature. And it is disgusting.
What is it that separates me from murderers and perverts? Not a whole lot I should say. So, my desires are not as life-altering, not socially unacceptable or illegal...but it all comes from the same root. If I do not stop it now, if I do not confront and overcome my own lack of self-control, where will I end up?
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light."
Micah 7:8-9
I do things everyday that I am not proud of. There are things that I do and think that even I am ashamed to remember in the morning. I can say with full confidence that we are a depraved race, unable not to sin. I am weak. I am impure. I can't do anything to change what I have do or what I will do. I am just thankful that that is not the end.
"Have mercy on my, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." Psalm 51:1-2
Confess
"The only sin you have to worry about is unconfessed sin"
Here I am
All of me
I cannot hide anymore
I will not hide anymore
It's on the table
All of my dirt, for you to see
Here are my mistakes and sins.
Some of them were in the moment
Some of them were thought through
Everyone is a weight on my heart.
All of them are convicting me.
Please don't judge me
No more condemnation
Not from you
My best friend
Trust
The only reason I say this
The only way I can share
Now you know
Now I feel freedom
True freedom
Thank you Lord
Thank you for your compassion
For blotting out my transgressions
I was dirty
You, Lord, have cleansed me
You forgot it
But I remembered
I had to confess
To say it out loud,
To trust in this friend.
Now this is redemption.
Soli Deo Gloria
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
why were postmen in victorian england called robins?
I want to give something to the world that isn't bitter or sad. I should be a light. I want to be encouraging and inspiring. I want to encourage real living and love because what are we if we are not ALIVE? I mean, my purpose is not just to serve God, but to enjoy Him, and whatever faith you are, you want to enjoy life. So, what must I do? (to quote Frodo) How can I make it so my life is not a burden, but a blessing in this imperfect time?...just something I was thinking about.
Now
This is the time to be thankful
This is the time to look around you and smile
Now there should be no self pity
Or anger
Or guilt
Smell the air
Take it all in
This is life: sadness and glory
This is what you get;
Dew on the grass and the promise of morning
It is not going to be perfect
But it is right, just right.
You do not deserve anything
But you are worth it all.
Self doubt, malice, envy - it's not acceptable
Take what is in front of you
Take this moment
Soli Deo Gloria
Today I was driving in my car and I couldn't stop smiling. Something about the weather filled me with inexpressible joy. I want to be sunlight. I want to be joy. God, I pray, put joy overflowing in my cup that I can shower it on others.
Now
This is the time to be thankful
This is the time to look around you and smile
Now there should be no self pity
Or anger
Or guilt
Smell the air
Take it all in
This is life: sadness and glory
This is what you get;
Dew on the grass and the promise of morning
It is not going to be perfect
But it is right, just right.
You do not deserve anything
But you are worth it all.
Self doubt, malice, envy - it's not acceptable
Take what is in front of you
Take this moment
Soli Deo Gloria
Today I was driving in my car and I couldn't stop smiling. Something about the weather filled me with inexpressible joy. I want to be sunlight. I want to be joy. God, I pray, put joy overflowing in my cup that I can shower it on others.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Life's Rough Sea
Give me a spirit that on this life's rough sea, loves to have his sails filled with lusty wind, even till his sail-yards tremble, his mast crack, and his rapt ship run on her side so low that she drinks water, and her keel ploughs air.
-George Chapman
For Time is of the essence in this forsaken place.
Words go only so far to promote the life of grace.
Sail out into the ocean on this, your hidden boat.
Only paper will remember the feelings that you wrote.
Soli Deo Gloria
-George Chapman
For Time is of the essence in this forsaken place.
Words go only so far to promote the life of grace.
Sail out into the ocean on this, your hidden boat.
Only paper will remember the feelings that you wrote.
Soli Deo Gloria
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