I don't talk about Jesus because I don't want to be one of those Christians who makes everyone uncomfortable by always talking about Jesus.
If you realize the hypocrisy in that statement, you caught on a lot quicker than I did. But seriously, I judge Christians for being too Christian-y. I don't go to Two-Story because I don't want to get roped into telling every person I know there what I am struggling with or how I am seeing the Lord move in my life.
I have never really seen a problem with my aversion to saying Jesus' name. After all, I am Presbyterian, and we aren't the ones to go dancing in the aisles if you know what I mean. I have always justified how I am and what I say by the simple fact that everyone IS different and everyone worships in different ways...but what I realized is that I am just a coward.
Christ is so real and the problem with denying it is that you'll forget it. Every second Satan is trying to win over this world, seriously. Am I going to let him win because I am scared of a weird look or for someone to judge me like I have been judging everyone else?
This past Easter weekend was amazing. On Good Friday my pastor told us that we killed Christ. I pulled the trigger. I put him up on that cross with my sin, and now I want to hide behind appearances? I have never been one to shout Christ's name around campus, but surely his grace is not without some affect. Surely I realize what he did for me and am overjoyed and overwhelmed and willing to talk about my Savior like he deserves.
By the time Easter service rolled around, I realized how selfish I am. I realized that I am not worshiping like I should. I am not loving like I should. I realized that I sung the songs and I didn't think about what they were saying and I didn't care to. Namely, I realized I wasn't loving my Savior. I have been selfish and self-serving.
So as I was in church, overwhelmed by Christ's sacrifice and how much I SO do not deserve it, and I realized that, while I was seriously screwing things up, it's not over. When the prodigal son returned, the father rejoiced. And, while I know I am not even worthy to work as a humble servant in my Father's house, he still loves me all the same. Christ's death on the cross was not without effect.
I love you Jesus. And thank you for loving me first.
I also want to say that God is so good, case in point: Anna Scott
